Journey to Healing and Joy

“I am dying,” her email began, “and I need a coach to help me stay focused on several projects I want to leave behind as memories for my sons and future grandchildren.”

The words hit me with a thud. Oh, my gosh; can I do that? I wondered, considering the emotional cost. But soon after, my heart committed to taking this journey as I slid into my seat in a Greek restaurant where we met for the first time in Seattle, Washington. As she unpacked her story, filled with surgery, chemo, baldness, and the rest, I searched her warm, open gaze, topped by loose, short curls, and I knew I would grow to love her. And I knew that as I walked this out, my heart would break over the losses her husband's extracurricular sexual activities would ultimately extract from her, and from the many who loved her.

Read more: Caution: Sex Can Kill

  • Created on .
  • Hits: 3544

It’s been seven years since I turned on my computer one morning in Blumenau, Brazil, opened my email, and read a message from from an unknown sender. It simply said: I thought you’d be interested in this, along with a link to a Lawrence, Kansas newspaper. I clicked on the link and what opened riveted my eyes to the screen. Along with photos, it contained the story of Martin Miller, a Christian; a husband; a father; and a deacon in his evangelical church; a school board member at his kids’ Christian school. And a sexual addict. Martin had been arrested for strangling his wife, Mary, to death so he could be with one of his Internet affair partners. His addiction, which started with pornography—the addiction often described as a victimless crime—had taken him to the ultimate.

Read more: How Silence Cost One Woman Her Life

  • Created on .
  • Hits: 7179

How real is God to you this Easter? Is he still on the cross in your mind? In the grave they buried him in two thousand years ago? Or did he really come back to life after three days in a tomb and is now in heaven preparing an eternal home for you?

Though we didn't plan this painful journey of betrayal and heartache, in our desperation for hope some of us encounter a living, loving, caring God as we grieve the losses of our husband's addiction and seek to heal and reorient ourselves and our lives. I remember so well the night I encountered him in an amazing new way. It was Christmas Eve 7+ years ago and I was sitting on a bed in southern Brazil.

Read more: What If?

  • Created on .
  • Hits: 4006

Okay, so what do you think you and the sex addict you love have in common—besides the home, bills, kids, and the life you share? Any ideas? No? Then we'll tell you because the answer is extremely important to both you and him. In fact, you could say it is nothing less than the Secret Ingredient for Healing and for Life.

The Secret Ingredient for Healing & for Life

Here it is in six little words: You are both powered by joy. And just as a battery-powered toy will not run with a dead battery, neither can a human being heal or live a reasonably happy life without joy. In fact, being human and wanting joy are inseparable. Our Creator made us with brains that want to operate with joy in charge.

Read more: What do You and the Sex Addict You Love Have in Common?

  • Created on .
  • Hits: 7695

The sex addict—or any addict for that matter—has the same human needs as everyone else: the need to belong; the need to be loved; and the need to feel joy. These needs form the drives that fuel our addiction. And though I know it's hard for a wife to understand, your husband's addictive behaviors have nothing to do with his love for you.

His addiction is independent of the people in his life. Whether single or married, it is there, running in the background most of the time. Sadly, the ordinary pressures of life can trigger his need to escape pain and return to some kind of normalcy and joy. Because we addicts have not learned healthy ways to "return to joy," we use our drug of choice, whether it is alcohol, heroin, religiosity—or sex.

Read more: Why the Sex Addict's Struggle Has Nothing to Do with You

  • Created on .
  • Hits: 11581