Journey to Healing and Joy

The holiday season can be extremely stressful even for women who are not in a relationship with a sex addict. For those who are, the holiday season can present a extra set of pressures and triggers. Our coaches have shared their top tips to cope with the addition of friends, family, and the pressure to create that "special holiday magic" that everyone seems to expect from us.

Read more: Top Tips to Survive Holiday Stress

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When we first saw the trailers for the new movie, Thanks for Sharing, we were both hopeful and trepidatious.

Hopeful, because we thought the movie might finally be a real step in bringing the problem of sex addiction into mainstream society in a real way. Could the movie help the people we know finally understand – even a little – the struggle we go through every day? Could it spark a real conversation about the realities of living with sex addiction? Could it be a line to help us connect with our families?

Read more: Thanks for Sharing: Helpful or Hurtful?

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Did you know “Clothing stores sell thongs for seven-to ten-year-olds, some with slogans like 'wink, wink' or 'eye candy'?” I didn't until today. That factoid, gleaned from a hospital for kids in Canada newsletter reporting on the Sexy Baby documentary, is the tamest factoid I found. As I contemplated how to tell you about an important new documentary, while not offending you, I learned many things I would rather not know. Though a few sources present their facts tamely, others don't spare our sensitivities. They simply plop today's reality in front of us where we're forced to look at the hard facts, just as our kids must every day of their young lives.

Read more: Kids, Porn & Sex

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Like so many of you, I find Dr. Ley's statements offensive. As a clinician who should know better, he is clearly biased, and nowhere is his bias more blatant than in this quote from his blog post:

"...when I’ve worked with these folks, they show the exact reverse, demonstrating an obsessive, ruminating fixation on the details of their partners’ betrayals and actions. They’re not avoiding these situations or details because it makes them feel awful – no, they’re diving in head-long, beating their partner about the head and shoulders with the details of their betrayal and making this betrayal a central part of their life and relationship."

After reading his post, I grew curious about Dr. Ley's strong bias. Where might it be coming from? Though we can't know how pieces of his personal story may have contributed to his deeply biased core beliefs, I decided to learn more about his work and his writing, hoping I might at least find clues. Sure enough, I did.

Read more: When a Clinician's Negative Bias Blocks a Client's Healing

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My Journey

The day my daughter confronted me about her dad’s behavior, it became apparent I would have to leave the fantasy world I had worked so hard to create.

I had wanted so desperately to believe that if I worked at it hard enough, had enough faith, read the right book, prayed harder, I could change my husband. He would love me and we could have that Norman Rockwell life I had always dreamed of. We looked good from the outside. We had 4 children, 13 grandchildren, built a successful business, had finally moved into our dream home, attended church every Sunday, and hosted a small group study in our home. I had hoped we would be able to show other couples how forgiveness and love can overcome. I had dreamed of leaving a legacy of love for our children, and children’s children.

Read more: My Journey

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